MARTHA MODE
“Hello, this is Officer Smith from the Plainview Police Department. Are you Benny Baker, Polly Westmoreland’s son-in-law?”
That was the way the phone call started that rocked our world on the evening of March 12, 2019. The officer informed us my mom had passed away suddenly. My dad was still in shock and too distraught to talk, so the officer called on his behalf. Mom had health issues, but nothing that would make us consider death as a possibility. She was only 60 years old and had spent the day with Dad…she just laid down for a nap.
Immediately I jumped up and went into “pastor’s wife mode,” but for the sake of this post, today it is “Martha Mode.” With Benny having been a pastor for so long, and us being experienced in helping grieving families, my mental checklist started. I didn’t do it consciously; it was muscle memory in my mind. Dad would need me, family needed to be called, decisions needed to be made, and there would be plenty to do. In fact, the first decision I made was what funeral home we wanted to use while I was passing through Earth on my way to Plainview.
**But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:40-42
Martha gets a bad rap in our society because Jesus gently rebuked her. Martha felt like she was doing all the work while Mary sat at Jesus’ feet…doing absolutely nothing. It’s no wonder she was upset. Martha has been called petty, bitter, resentful, jealous…but I think she was overwhelmed and just wanted some help. She was doing what God had created her to do. SOMEONE had to feed and take care of those men. Hospitality is a Martha thing if ever there was one.
I was a Mary when we got married, but as life changed and I took on different roles and responsibilities, I became a major Martha. It didn’t take God by surprise, He knew before I did. For a long time, I regretted that change and wanted Mary back. I wanted to sit at Jesus’ feet and learn from Him. I wanted to “be still and know the He is God.” In fact, when I had a hysterectomy, then ended up in the hospital for a week after that, I wrote in my Bible by Psalm 41:10, “LORD, WHY CAN’T I BE STILL??” I thought movement and “doing” had caused this set back. I begged for a little “Mary” while recuperating. But God knew I would need to be Martha to live the life He created for me. I needed to be organized to run a household, be a pastor’s wife, keep the kids’ schedules, help them with all the necessary paperwork for college or military, and have a ministry. He knew what I did not.
** Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one You love is sick. Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days.” John 11:1,3,5,6
Because He loved Lazarus He STAYED where He was? He didn’t rush to His side or even speak the words to heal him, although it was entirely possible? No, He stayed put, about two miles from this family He cherished. That didn’t make sense to me, nor did it to Martha, Mary, or the disciples. But it made sense to Jesus, because He had a plan to bring God glory.
Lazarus died in the meantime, and had been in the grave for four days. There was no misinterpreting His death.
**When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. But Mary stayed in the house. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask.” John 11:20-22 NLT
In the book “Simply Salsa: Dancing Without Fear at God’s Fiesta” by Janet Perez Eckles, she brings out a a great point. When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. But Mary stayed in the house. Read that again…Martha went to meet Jesus, Mary stayed home. Martha was a doer through and through. Her beloved brother had died, and I’m sure she took charge of taking care of the arrangements to bury him. Mary might have time to sit and weep, but Martha was too busy to stop and breathe. She still had friends and mourners at her house, and someone had to feed and take care of them, but Jesus was in town, so she went to meet Him.
I felt like Martha did when Mom died. There were so many things that needed to be taken care of and keeping my mind busy would help me get past the grief. Thankfully, God prepared me ahead of time with experience in what needed to be done to make sure everything ran smoothly. Benny and I have been through this process many times, and my mind’s muscle memory took over. The items on the mental checklist were being marked off daily.
**Then she returned to Mary. She called Mary aside from the mourners and told her, “The Teacher is here and wants to see you.” So Mary immediately went to him. John 11:28-29
After Martha spoke with Jesus, she went home and told Mary Jesus wanted to see her. Martha’s to-do list was long, tedious, and demanding, but her sister was more important. She didn’t wait until Mary came on her own, she went and got her. Martha loved Mary, and she helped her through the grieving process the only way she knew how. Martha brought her to Jesus.
Mom was a caretaker, just as I am, and loved on her people, so I come by it honestly. I stayed with Dad for almost a week to make sure he was going to be okay and their affairs were somewhat in order. Because the pastor’s wife role came more naturally to me than the mourning daughter, I stayed in “Martha Mode,” and tried to hide. Our family did a great job getting the service together, and Mom’s memorial was beautiful. I missed entering with our family at her funeral because I was helping my grandmother to the bathroom, which would have normally been my mom’s job. God allowed me one last act to honor her memory. 😊
Through the reading of this book and rereading the story of Lazarus, God showed me a different side of Martha, and I am so thankful He did. He also showed me that she isn’t such a bad role model. Sure, she got overwhelmed and testy sometimes, but taking care of business was how she loved on her family, and when she needed a way to help Mary hurt less, she brought her to the feet of Jesus, where she knew Mary’s heart needed to be.
Mom’s story didn’t turn out like Lazarus’, and today marks a year since she passed away. It was a shock, but God carried all of us through it. My Martha side rose up, and all I knew was to “keep on keepin’ on.” Even so, I never have been able to mourn Mom’s passing the way others did. I have tried, and I’ve felt guilty and thought something was wrong with me this entire year. Thank God, through this book, He showed me that sometimes we mourn by weeping, and sometimes we mourn by doing. I loved my mom very much, and the way I could honor her the most was to take care of others so they could stop and mourn in their own way. And I can certainly bring them to the feet of Jesus, where she already was. We have had a lot of loved ones pass on this last year, and it has been tough. But through it all, I remind myself, “Life is hard, but God is good.” I know Mom and our other loved ones will be waiting in heaven, and that brings joy to my heart. They are no longer suffering but rejoicing in His presence.
Whether you are a Martha or Mary, please celebrate that. Live life the way He intended, not trying to pattern your walk after someone else’s. No matter what we go through, GOD IS THERE. The trials and tribulations hurt like heck, and sometimes I don’t know how I will continue to stand. When that happens, I fall to my knees. Only then I am in a position for God to lift me up with His strength to help me continue on this journey He has called me to.
If you have lost a loved one, mourn in your own way. God doesn’t intend us to look like everyone else, He made each of us special, unique, and on purpose. As long as we serve God the way He wired us to, we can bring honor to their memories.
I want to leave you with one quote from the book that brought me joy as God continues to heal my heart from the hurt of losing Mom and those who have gone on before me…
“Can you imagine stepping on shore and finding it Heaven? Can you imagine touching a hand and finding it God’s? Can you imagine breathing new air and finding it celestial? Can you imagine waking in glory and finding it home?” – Found on a plaque, inspired “Finally Home,” music by Don Wyrtzen
LORD, first I thank You for Mom’s life and the many she touched. Thank You for her caring heart and generous Spirit. Thank You that she is no longer hurting, but in heaven where there is no more sorrow. Be with our family as this anniversary passes and continue to heal our hearts as only You can. Thank You that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Thank You for my “Martha Mode” during this season of my life. Thank You for giving me the experience and skills to take care of what needs tending. Help me to celebrate being a Martha and not lament my desire to be Mary. Both women were special and unique in their own ways, and both served You with their whole hearts. Help me to never get so caught up in my to-do list that I forget to love on others and bring them to Your feet. For those who are reading this who have lost loved ones, too, ease their grieving hearts, LORD. Be their Healer and their Comforter in the days and weeks to come. Gather their tears in Your bottle. Just as You did me, speak to their hearts and minds and may they use their talents and abilities for Your glory. Draw them into You, LORD. In this world of uncertainty, give us peace as only You can. Amen
** He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Psalm 21:4
** The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
** My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
** You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book. Psalm 56:8 NLT
Great is Thy Faithfulness
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ON THE PORCH 