After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into sweats and a droopy T-shirt, took off her makeup, and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was that?” — Johnson, Nicole. Fresh-Brewed Life Revised and Updated. Thomas Nelson.
Do you ever look in the mirror and think, “Who am I?” I do.
When Benny and I got married, we both brought puzzle pieces with us, trying to fit them together to make the perfect marriage. We were young, and our pieces were still pliable. Some fit perfectly, and some had to be altered along the way. As we had kids, we had more pieces to add to our overall life’s puzzle.
What I found along the way was a desire to make each piece fit with those around it perfectly, like a jigsaw. But that didn’t always happen. I also found that the toughest pieces to mold and morph into shape were mine.
When we started this journey, I worked full time and was a wife. When God blessed us with 3 children in less that four years, my role changed to a stay-at-home mom and wife. (I want to stop right here and say what whoever coined the phrase “stay at home mom” never was one!! We were hardly ever at home.) Circleback called when I was pregnant with Sierra, so pastor’s wife was added to the roles of taking care of little ones and wife.
As time went on, and the kids aged, my responsibilities grew and our puzzle changed daily. All three took different paths and many times I felt stretched, but the puzzle continued. Many times we had a piece that we shook our heads over and wondered how in the world it would fit into our family masterpiece. We have also had pieces we cried while holding and felt like they should not even be our pieces to have to hold.
** The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. Jeremiah 31:3
In this quarter of a century, two things have never changed. I am still madly in love with Benny, and God is still madly in love with me. He loves me and desires the best for me as much as He did the day He created me.
Sometimes I have a hard time grasping this, just as Xavier did. One day he asked Benny and I, “Why do you feel such an obligation to love and protect me? Just because you birthed me doesn’t mean you owe me the rest of your life.”
We replied, “It isn’t the physical fact that you were born of our bodies, but that you were born of our hearts. Nothing you can do will ever make us love you any more, and nothing you can ever do will make us love you any less.” He cannot earn our love and he cannot lose it.
I approach God that way sometimes. I look in the mirror and wonder why He has such an obligation to me and what is so special about me that God would love me as fiercely as He does? Surely I can “do more and be more” to make Him proud.
But like Xavier, I can’t. All I can do is offer Him the pieces I have and ask Him to bless them and use them. They are certainly not perfect, and He will have to mold them to fit into His overall puzzle of eternity. No matter what I see in the mirror, and what questions I ask, there is something that will always be true. He loves me, broken, misshapen, and warped puzzle pieces and all.
When I look in the mirror and don’t know who I am, but He does.
When I think I have puzzle pieces that will never fit, He lovingly takes them and says, “Let me try.”
When I can’t see past tomorrow, He says, “I love you and have a plan.”
And when I think I need to change to be someone more acceptable, He says, “No need. I love you the just the way you are.”
He whispers His love into my soul and reminds me that I am His. All I have to do is accept that I can do nothing to lose His love or keep it and rest in His arms. My job is to be who He created me to be and love and worship Him in return.
“ ‘You are the Beloved,’ and all I hope is that you can hear these words as spoken to you with all the tenderness and force that love can hold. My only desire is to make these words reverberate in every corner of your being—‘You are the Beloved.’” – Nouwen, Henri. Life of the Beloved. Crossroads.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. —Nelson Mandela
LORD, thank You for loving me just because I am me. Thank You for knowing who I am even when I look in the mirror and wonder. Thank You for always having a plan for my puzzle pieces, even when I don’t think they should be a part of my puzzle. Thank You for my family and giving me a taste of the fierce love that doesn’t change. Show those reading today how passionately You love them, too. For those of us with puzzle pieces we don’t know what to do with, please take them and use them for Your glory. As roles change and my puzzle morphs, remind that I am a child of the King, a royal daughter, and as such allow me to pass on the love You give to graciously to others, LORD. Thank You that I am Your Beloved, even on my worst days. Please continue to be with those affected by COVID and their families. Heal their bodies and their hearts, LORD. Please also be with our nation as it is quarantined. It is hard not to be free to do as we please, but it is necessary. Be with our essential workers and continue to give them extra energy and strength. Amen
** But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15
**For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
ON THE PORCH 