VIEW FROM THE LAUNDROMAT WINDOW

I got married the same weekend I graduated high school, so I was a young bride.  Benny worked for SPS in Levelland, and I started working a couple months later.  It took time for us to gather furniture and build our home.  For the first summer we were married we didn’t have a washer and dryer, so we went to the laundromat.  I almost always met interesting people there.  One day in particular, I witnessed something that was seared into my mind forever.  In fact, every time we drive by, I remember the events of that day.

I love to “people-watch”, so one summer day, in 1995 while my clothes were washing, I sat at the laundromat window and observed people come and go at the Allsups next door.  A mom went inside to do whatever she needed and left her child in the car at the gas pumps.  After being gone for a couple of minutes, a little boy climbed out of the window of the car and headed to find his mom.  Simultaneously, a college aged girl had gotten in her car to leave.  As she put her car in reverse, the little boy walked behind her.  Her car knocked him down and the wheels straddled him, so he was laying on the ground in the middle of the car.  As soon as she felt the thud, the girl slammed the car into park and jumped out to see what had happened. Miraculously, the boy was unscathed and hopefully just got a headache out of the ordeal.  His mother came out of Allsups and rushed to her child’s side.  What followed, I will never forget.  

This small toddler’s mother yanked him up by the arm, spanked him several times threw him back inside the car.  Then she returned to the store.  The poor college girl was hysterical.   She tried to console the little boy, but the mother dismissed her and would have none of it.  The young woman was too distressed to drive home, so she parked the car and called someone to pick her up.    

I was 18 at this time and didn’t realize they should have called the police and made a report so the little boy could be checked for injuries.  So, I sat there dumbfounded with my jaw open, feeling sorry for the little one, and thankful the car had straddled him.  

That mom chose anger and guilt over compassion.  Her toddler had been hit by a car and she injured him further.  He had been traumatized and she threw him back in the car alone without a lick of kindness and concern.  As she drug him back to the car, carrying him by his arm, she spanked him and screamed in his face.  By the look on her face, I would say she was yelling, “This wouldn’t have happened if you’d stayed in the car like I told you to. It’s all your fault.”

When the child should have been coddled and cared for, he was spanked and shamed.   His body and spirit were needing attention, and he was thrown back into the situation that scared him, again.   

When Benny and I were in Levelland a few days ago and passed the laundromat, I remembered this incident.  In this, God showed me that I resemble that mother a lot of times…with myself.  When I mess up and do something stupid, instead of asking for forgiveness and accepting God’s grace, I punish myself for a while.  I scream and yell and cause further wounds.  Like the college girl wanting to console the little boy, God wants to pick me up, brush me off, and show His love and compassion, but I will have none of it.  

**The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.  Psalm 103:8

When I sin, I need to feel a healthy guilt in order to repent.  Many times, though, the guilt I feel is false.  I feel guilty about things that I did not do wrong and have no control of or cannot change.  I dwell on “should haves…”  This type of guilt is not God-given and should not be a part of my thought process.   If satan can keep my emotions riddled with guilt, that keeps my focus off Jesus and my  joy contained.

**And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.  Revelation 12:10

Satan is a liar and an accuser, day and night, and I have allowed him to hold too much of my attention for too long.  I quickly pardon others and extend grace for some of the same behaviors I beat myself up over.  When dwelling on my actions, I rush to judgment, and play judge and jury.  I am harsh and cruel.  This is certainly not God’s will for me.  I cannot run free in His grace if I am continually swimming in a pool of guilt.    

I have been shackled to guilt for years, and freedom is a process.  But thank God He is a chainbreaker! 

Please don’t mistake me, this is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. When my actions need repentance, I need to ask God (and other people if they are involved) to forgive me.   Then I must believe God when He says He will forgive and forget.  He offers forgiveness freely; we just have to take it.  Christ died to atone for my sins, yet I continue to beat myself up over them.  He paid the price on the cross once and for all, and when I repeatedly abuse myself over issues I feel guilty for, I am saying His death was not enough.  

My word for 2021 is “release.”  With that being said, guilt over things I have already repented for or have no control of in the first place must go, and I need to make that a top priority.  I must learn to give it to God and allow him to replace it with His love and grace.  He will not abuse me like the mother did her little boy, He will tenderly pick me up, brush me off, and show compassion.

LORD, today I ask that I have appropriate remorse and respond with repentance when I violate Your covenant and do wrong, and that I will ask forgiveness for those sins. Thank You for paying the price on the cross for me to walk in freedom with You.  Break these chains that shackle me to false guilt.  Show me a better and healthier way to deal with these emotions. Remind me to extend grace to others and not wound them further when they, too, mess up like I do.  Keep at the forefront of my mind that satan is an accuser and liar and wants nothing more than for me to believe his deception and wallow in guilt.  Help me accept Your gift of forgiveness that cost so much.  For those who are reading this that also struggle with self-condemnation, please show them how to climb out of their own pool of guilt into the forgiveness, grace, and compassion You paid for.  Thank You for loving me enough to die for me, LORD.  Allow me to bring glory and honor to You today.  Amen

**Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity and passes over the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance–who does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in loving devotion?  Micah 7:18

**But You, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in loving devotion and faithfulness.  Psalm 86:15

**He has caused His wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate.  Psalm 111:4

**The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.  Psalm 116:5

**The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in loving devotion.  Psalm 145:8

CHAINBREAKER