COMPARISON IS A THIEF

NOVEMBER 11, 2022

I once heard the story of a mom and stepmom feuding before their daughter’s wedding. Both had different ideas of how things should work and tried to manipulate things to go their way. Each tried to outdo the other as situations presented themselves. This went on for months. The daughter helped both moms find their perfect dress for the wedding, and both would be stylish and beautiful.  Beaming with pride, she shared pictures of her outings and the results of their efforts.  The bride did everything she could to keep the comparison at bay and restore peace between the two women she loved.

After months of planning and hashing out their differences, the wedding week arrived. All was well and emotions had settled down. Both women would be ushered in as a mother, and both would have a seat of honor. Rehearsal night came and everyone gathered in the sanctuary to get their marching orders for the following day. All were present except the stepmother. Where was she? Fashionably late, she sashayed in wearing the exact dress the mom had purchased for the wedding day. Gasps filled the sanctuary and shock followed. What had been a happy celebration turned into a disastrous occasion because the stepmom was caught in a comparison cycle and was drowning in “bitter lake.”

We have a wedding coming up in a week. Our new daughter-in-love and her mom have been planning this wedding since January, literally. They have been at it for 11 months now, and it will be gorgeous. All I’ve seen has been classy and elegant. We will have a stunning venue and lovely decorations as the backdrop of this celebration of love. They have thought of everything humanly possible.

If you know me, you know I am simple and plain. I do my best ministry in pajamas and a messy bun. I don’t wear shoes unless absolutely necessary and makeup is a hassle I choose not to deal with often. I am comfortable in my own skin.

So, it surprised me when comparison crept into my mind and filled my thoughts with fear. How would this simple country girl pull off “fancy? (It just isn’t in my genetic pool!) Would my dress be enough? Would my shoes be too much? Would I turn my ankle or fall if I wore heels? Would I even feel like myself? Would I embarrass my son and daughter-in-love?

I sabotaged myself while looking for wedding ideas. Images of the perfect weddings filed themselves away in my mind’s rolodex, and I couldn’t yank them free. When looking online, most people only show you the best side. So, I didn’t see what happened behind the scenes in those snapshots. I only saw the perfect, prim, and proper, and in my mind, I was left wanting. I looked nothing like the moms on those sites. How was I supposed to compare with the pictures on my phone?

I reached out to a couple of close friends asking for prayer that God would renew, refresh, and reaffirm my identity in Him, and release me from that fear.

**The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. John 10:10

One friend responded, “Comparison is such a thief.” The more I thought about it, the more right she was. Because I had been looking at all the “perfect wedding whatevers” (fill in the blank) online, I had allowed comparison to steal my peace, kill my confidence, and destroy my joy for too long. These derogatory thoughts consumed me for days, and I second-guessed myself time and time again. Instead of remembering that God created me in His own image, I was comparing myself to the images of other women, which was totally a skewed way of thinking. It was a constant fear cycle that was stuck on replay in my mind.

**So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27

God created me simple on purpose. He didn’t mess up, and He uses that for His glory. As He gently worked on my heart and in my Spirit , God repeatedly reminded me that I am His and I am enough just as I am. That is a complete sentence. I. Am. Enough. I have nothing else to prove, and I don’t have to measure up to those fancy pictures in my head.

So, now when I ask myself these same questions from earlier, it isn’t a bad thing. I respond with confidence.

How will this country girl pull off “fancy?

— I won’t. I’ll be simple and plain, just like I always have, and I will be enough.

Will my dress be okay?

— Yes! With Sierra and Nancy’s help, we found one that matches my style and is very pretty.

Will I turn my ankle or fall if I wear heels?

— Maybe, but I sure hope not!! Broken toes are enough to deal with at the moment!!

Will I feel like me at the wedding?

— Sure I will. I will show up as myself and put away the mask. I will celebrate this joyous occasion with those I love so much!!

Will I embarrass my son and daughter-in-love?

— No. Xavier has always known me as his mom. He and Madison love me just as I am and want me there as myself, not an imposter.

Xavier & Madison’s wedding will be great no matter what. When it is over, I will have new meaningful, precious memories to replace those harmful rolodex pictures in my mind.  I will end the evening with new memories and a new daughter.

If anything goes wrong, as it sometimes does, I will remember what Benny tells the couples he marries, “No matter what happens. At the end of the day, you will be married, and that is what is important.” 😊 Comparison is a thief and a creep, and I refuse to allow it to encourage fear again.

LORD, thank You for these precious kiddos and this joyous occasion to join them on their future journey. May we bring You glory and honor in all we do and say that day. I will be comfortable in my own skin and remember that I am made in Your image alone. When fear creeps (and it will), take it and replace it with joy and anticipation. Bless Xavier and Madison’s marriage, LORD. As we walk beside this precious couple in the future, give us wisdom, and allow us to point them to You. Thank You for reaffirming Your faithfulness when we fear and doubt, and never giving up on us! Amen

**Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. 2 Corinthians 10:12

FEAR IS A LIAR