PROMISE YOU WON’T BE MAD

ON THE PORCH

“PROMISE YOU WON’T BE MAD“

“Promise you won’t be mad.”

I looked over at Sierra, and she obviously had an intense inner struggle warring in her heart. It is never a good thing to hear those words and the look on her face added to the alarms blaring in my brain.

I cautiously responded, “Oookkaaaay…”

“Promise!” she repeated.

“Fine. I promise.”

“Your cup towels smell bad.”

Wait, what?!?! That build-up for funky-smelling cup towels. Oh my! “IS THAT ALL?!?!?” I was nose blind to the smell of the drawer I used so often and was clueless. Big deal. That certainly wasn’t worth the anguish she had been putting herself through.

When growing up, I worked 2 jobs while going to high school to help make ends meet for our little family, so I didn’t learn how to cook, clean, and do laundry very well. It was several years into our marriage before I found a system that worked for me and truly learned how to keep up with the chores. So, being a good “housekeeper” was a touchy subject for a long time after that. I have mellowed out some as I’ve gotten older, but it is hard to know what will push that button.

One day Benny was preaching on “Seeking or Searching.” Seeking is a casual action that involves glancing around the area while searching is more diligent and involves investigation and hunting. He said, “I have magic drawers. Every time I open them, clothes appear. One day I opened the drawer and there were no socks….”

I didn’t hear a word of his sermon after that. First, he was only using that as an imaginary example. He hates damp feet, so he has enough socks to supply a small army, even if I were to neglect laundry for a month. Second, he didn’t mean to be offensive, but I heard it as a public insult from the pulpit that I didn’t keep up with the laundry.

The next day while getting his uniform together to go to work, he came into the living room and asked, “Have you seen my socks? There aren’t any in my drawer.” I smirked and replied, “Are you seeking or searching??” At that moment it dawned on him why I would ask that particular question, and he put two and two together. I had only moved them to the bottom drawer, but I made my point. He apologized and had socks to take to work that shift.

Knowing my shame from decades past, Sisi fought a war within herself as to whether to be a good daughter and tell me or say nothing and spare my feelings. Either way, it would cause embarrassment on my part, and she felt like it was a lose-lose.

I store potholders, dishrags, scrubbers, bowl cozies, and cup towels in that drawer. I change the cup towels and dish rag out every day. So technically, I should have a clean cloth every morning, but now we know that wasn’t the case.

Each time I folded laundry and put it away, I unknowingly put freshly washed nice-smelling items in the same drawer as the smelly ones, so they all ended up with an odor. I also used stinking pieces of cloth to scrub and dry dishes, wipe counters, and heat food up. I spread the odor from the drawer throughout my kitchen.

Sierra found a towel-stripping recipe online and I got the ingredients together. I turned the whole drawer over into my washer, pushed the pre-soak setting, added the ingredients in the recipe, chose heavy-duty hot wash, and added vinegar to the load. As I hit the start button, I set my alarm to remind me to presoak the load for 4 hours.

**“But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23

As I hit the start button, I realized my life has been a lot like the cup towel drawer recently. My attitude has not been fresh and sweet smelling, even after Bible study, listening to praise music, listening to podcasts, and seeking encouragement. Some of the things I sought only made me feel worse and led to guilt. I had replaced the fruit of the Holy Spirit with the fruit of Chris. Even as I expected a clean cup towel each evening I opened the drawer; I should expect a fresh morning each day to make the best of it. But I allowed the stink from the previous days to bleed over, and my attitude started out stinking.

Just as the uncomfortable exchange between Sisi and myself about my stinking cup towel drawer was necessary to get my attention, that was the moment Jesus stepped in to have a hard conversation with me about my heart condition.

I had gotten bogged down, weighed down, and worried down. I was exhausted in every area of life I can imagine, all the while my attitude broadcasted the shape of my heart, and my total lack of sleep exacerbated the issue. I recognized myself in a saying Benny has about a gentleman he used to know, “He had a problem for every solution,”

My heart was bitter, my soul was sorrowful, and my spiritual fruit was rotting on the ground. and the daily grind has replaced any activities I once enjoyed. I’ve been “waiting for the other shoe to drop” instead of waking up with expectations of what God would do for me that day and being thankful for His blessings of the previous day. Each morning I was too tired to fight, so I basically laid my sword and shield down, and moved through the days in autopilot. I was truly spiritually nose-blind to the stink of my soul, but I am sure everyone around me noticed. If I chose to remain in the rut I was comfortable in, the prognosis was not good. I’ve tried to isolate myself and the smell, just like keeping the items contained in the drawer. Inadvertently, I’ve allowed the stink to spread and affect those I love, seeping and spilling into my family, my friends, and my ministry.

I wished changing my attitude and outlook were as easy as adding a few key ingredients and dumping my whole cup towel drawer into the washer to the “get rid of that smell” setting. But it isn’t, and I needed help.

**”Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Even when my Spirit reeks, Jesus continues to extend His hand. He doesn’t mind the stench because He knows the stink in me is temporary. It will mean work on my part, but it is possible. I have started paying attention and being more intentional about spiritual odor eliminators I had started neglecting. I’m also actively going through a Bible study to hopefully be a spiritual odor eliminator. The process will take time with Jesus, sleep, rest, effort, and support of loved ones, but that is better than being nose-blind to the bad smell in my heart. I am also sure I will utter a few prayers of simply, “GOD HELP ME,” in the future days.

LORD God, help me. As I fold these cup towels that went through a stripping process,, remind me that I, too, can come out cleaner and better on the other side with tender loving care and Your mercies that are new every day. Thank You for loving me when I am weak and tired and depleted beyond belief. Thank You for taking my burden and replacing it with Your peace, trading my sorrow for Your joy, and for sticking with me, even when I reek of rot. Lead me through the stripping process needed for the healing of my heart and my attitude. I can smell it myself, and I don’t like it. I want to be a sweet-smelling fragrance that draws people to You, not that turns them away because I reek. Thank You for sending me loved ones that ignore the odor to hold my hand, connect to my heart, and walk with me until the stench dissipates enough that I can breathe again without holding my breath. Thank You for loving me enough to bring this to my attention, loving me just as I am, but also loving me enough not to leave me sitting in the stink. Walk me through the overwhelm and give me a hallelujah on the other side of this when I can take in a deep breath and know it is better with my soul. In Your holy and precious name, LORD. Amen

**“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6

**The Lord gives strength to His people, and the Lord blesses His people with peace. Psalm 29:11

HALLELUJAH EVEN HERE

**Literally “airing my dirty laundry” publicly is not in my comfort zone, and certainly isn’t easy. This was a terribly hard devo to write, being honest, open, and raw. It took hours of writing, rewriting, and soul-searching to find the stink and address it.

**By the way, the stripping recipe worked, and the cup towel drawer has been redeemed. My cup towels are once again clean and smell like Gain.